By Deb Kroon
Review staff writer
When you suffer the loss of a child, it’s important to understand the psychological, emotional and physical effects involved. You suddenly find yourself on an emotional roller-coaster where you have no idea what to expect next. The extremes that you are dealing with are understandable and manageable, and there are steps you can take to begin working through the grief. Through a network of over 600 chapters with locations in all 50 states, as well as Washington DC, Puerto Rico, and Guam, The Compassionate Friends (TCF) organization has been providing support to bereaved families after the death of a child for four decades. The Compassionate Friends non-profit organization exists to provide friendship, understanding, and hope to those going through the natural grieving process. No matter where you are, support is close by. There are always others ready to listen, share and offer you the emotional support you need for healing to begin. Just reach out, there’s a hand waiting.
“We have attended meetings of the chapter of TCF in Sioux Falls,” said Pat Saum. He and his wife Helen live in Luverne and have experienced a loss themselves. “I am finally ready to do this “ Pat explained. “It has taken some time to get to this point in our lives, but I feel the time is right to start a chapter in Luverne. When you go to Sioux Falls, there are more people from Minnesota at the meeting than from Sioux Falls. After discussing it with Helen, I decided I was ready to offer the same comfort and hope to others right here in Luverne.”
“We are still in the final phases of getting the Luverne chapter up and running,” Pat said. “We need to get the chapter approved. The paper work is about 80-90 % complete. We have a phone number and an e-mail address, and but we can’t use them until approval. We have a meeting place, on Main Street, but that isn’t finalized. We needed a core group of volunteer people who have been through some training. There are two others besides myself that have gone through the proper training, and we are ready to begin to offer ourselves to others.”
“Until you have experienced a loss yourself, you have no idea of what someone is going through. Everyone just wants to help and often times the wrong things are said. This will be a place where a bereaved parent, grandparent or sibling can come and know that everyone there, is going, or has gone through what they are going through. Sometimes it takes a few meetings before they understand that they are not crazy, that others have felt the same thing they are feeling. We want this to be a place where a person can come and tell their story over and over. Our grief is unique to each of us and the intensity of that grief is not imaginable to those who have not been there.”
“We are hoping to be ready to start meetings after the first of the year,” Pat said. “I am hoping this is the right thing to do. It is hard for some people to talk to strangers, but I just want them to know this will be a safe place for them to come and be with others who do know what they are feeling.”
“For those of you who have not been through the loss of a child, I can tell you, keep what you say simple. Sometimes the only thing you can do for your friend or family member is be there, or just say ‘I am sorry’. ”
“On Sunday, December 8, The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting will take place, uniting family and friends around the world in lighting candles for one hour, to honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon.” As candles are lit at 7:00 p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memory of all children gone too soon. This is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, and creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. “We just want to get the word out. Light your candle and put it on your front steps or porch. Join us on December 8.”
To get in touch with the Luverne chapter of The Compassionate Friends, call Pat Saum at 605-254-2072 or e-mail him at pat.saum@gmail.com
