By Deb Kroon
Review Staff writer
This story begins in Sioux Falls, SD in the summer of 1954. Kate and Ralph were back for the summer after finishing their first year of college, Kate in Wisconsin and Ralph in Omaha. They ended their relationship before heading back to college, which is often the fate of high school romances. Unknown at that time, a second person accompanied Kate. By late fall, Kate had figured out she was pregnant, and was trying to decide how she would handle telling her parents.In the 1950s if you were a single young woman and found yourself pregnant, protocol was stricter than it is now. I don’t know if protocol is the right word, but the definition seems to fit, and protocol (at that time) stated that this young woman be sent away, have the baby quietly, give the baby up for adoption and go on with life as before. How does that work?.
Kate and a friend made the trip to Sioux Falls that year for Christmas. On the drive back to college, Kate told her friend about her baby and he offered to help. His family was friends with an OB-GYN in Chicago who helped in these kinds of situations, but he would help her only if she agreed to tell her family. He turned the car around and drove back to South Dakota, where Kate had a talk with her father. Kate’s mother had gone to be with a sister whose husband had recently died, so was not part of the conversation. Kate’s father took the news as well as any father and started to put a plan in place for Kate. It was agreed to never tell Kate’s mother about the baby, as she would have a problem dealing with the pregnancy. I can’t imagine keeping a secret for the rest of my life.
With the help of Kate’s dad and her friend, Kate found a place in a boarding house in Chicago, where she spent the next several months living alone. Kate met her doctor, kept in touch with her father and sister while finishing the last months of her pregnancy. When it was time for the baby, Kate took a cab to the hospital to have the baby, still by herself. She must have been a very strong woman!
After the baby girl was born, Kate wouldn’t hold her. She knew that if she did, she wouldn’t be able to go through with the adoption. That’s the ending we’d all like to hear right? Happily ever after – but not in this story Kate left Chicago and the baby and went back to school, just as planned. An agreement had been made with the OB-GYN to find a good home for the baby. Back then that was part of his job. He had good connections.
Living in Chicago at that time was a couple, Vernon and Louise Herndon. Vernon was in his late forties and Louise was approaching forty. Vernon managed Hilton hotels in the Chicago area, and at that time they were living right in the hotel. They were trying to adopt a family, but were having difficulties due to their ages and the fact that they lived in the hotel instead of a house. One evening, after being turned down by multiple adoption agencies, the Herndon’s decided to go out for dinner, to ease their disappointments. As they returned, they noticed the light was on in the offices of an OB-GYN who was a friend of theirs. They decided to talk to him. He expressed his surprise at their predicament, not realizing they were trying to adopt. He told them that as part of his practice he placed newborns from good families into good adoptive homes.
The Herndons were finally able to adopt. Their first child was a baby boy they named Peter. Life was good.
About ten months later, the OB-GYN called the Herndons and suggested they take a quick family vacation, because he would have another baby for them real soon. This baby would give them two children under the age of one. A quick trip to Williamsburg, PA was planned, but was cut short by the arrival of the baby. After an all night drive back to Chicago, the Herndons went home with a beautiful baby girl. They named the baby Patricia. Pat joined her brother Peter at home and the Herndon’s dreams were realized. Life went on as it does for any family.
About six years later, the Herndons had a baby boy of their own and named him Michael. They decided to adopt one more child as they felt the age difference between the older two and Michael was quite a bit and they wanted him to have a sibling closer in age. Two years later they adopted their third child, Sally, completing their family of six.
Flash ahead a few decades.
In 1981, Pat was working for IBM. She met her husband Geoffrey Broom on a work trip to Boston. Pat and Geoffrey had two children, a son Colin and a daughter Lisa. After the two split up, Pat moved to North Carolina to the Outer Banks and made her home in Kill Devil Hills, NC. She needed a job and found a restoration company that was on the market. The owner agreed to stay with Pat and help her learn the business. “Furniture restoration,” I said. “No, my company restores houses that have been damaged,” said Pat. “I knew absolutely nothing about sheet rock, foundations and the things that would be involved with restoring a house. Thank goodness I had a great mentor. Now I can talk the business with anyone. I can’t put a nail into a wall, but I have good people working for me.”
Twenty years ago, when Pat’s children were small, she decided it might be a good idea to find out more about her birth parents, for medical histories and to fill in the gaps of her story for her kids. She contacted the lawyer, but he told her that since he had retired, he no longer had the files of the adoptions. He said he had met all three of the birth mothers of my family, and remembered Kathleen as being a very pretty young lady and very feisty. He said they had a hard time getting her to stay in the hospital until the Herndons arrived, but his memories stopped there.”
Pat’s children grew up. Colin, an accountant, got married and lives with his wife Katherine and their two daughters in Nashville, TN. Lisa lives in Washington D.C where she is a teacher and works as a math specialist helping at risk and gifted children. Having children of his own, Colin had a desire to know more about his heritage, so for Christmas one year, they got their mom an ancestry.com DNA test kit. “I always knew that Peter and I were adopted,” said Pat. “My parents didn’t know who told me, but when I was five and mom was pregnant with Michael, I apparently explained to my parents that I knew that they had to keep this baby whether they liked him or not, but that Peter and I were chosen. At 16 my dad told me who the family lawyer/friend was who had arranged the adoptions, met my birth mom, and had whatever information there was on my birth parents and the circumstances,” she went on. “They were always open to any questions any of us might have, or helping us find our birth parents. I really wasn’t interested. I didn’t feel the need to find out. I always assumed my birth mother lived in Chicago and had her reasons for giving me up.”
After completing the Ancestry DNA test, Pat said she wasn’t sure what to expect next. “I figured I’d get a leaf connecting me with a 4th cousin or something. When I finally did get a leaf, I clicked on it and up came a message that said “with extremely high confidence, Kate is your mother.” No beating around the bush! WOW! “I took a screen shot of the message and sent it to my kids,” Pat continued. “My daughter-in-law Katherine found her on FaceBook. I had found my original birth certificate some years earlier. Lisa reminded me that the name of my birth mother was listed at Kathleen with two possible last names, and one of them matched the Facebook profile. She must have used the other name when she lived in Chicago.”
“After doing some FaceBook stalking, I decided to get in touch with Kate. I sent her a message through ancestry. I received a reply back from Kate, whose response to me was “I am your birth mom.” Kate and her husband Dave lived in Redding, CA. They had six children. They all knew about their mom’s baby, but Kate initially wasn’t going to tell them about Pat’s contact, except for Dave. Kate and Pat were in frequent contact, and began sharing their stories with each other. Then after several months, things went quiet on Kate’s end. “When she contacted me again, she apologized for the silence, but said they had some family problems,” Pat explained. The communication between mother and daughter began to flow regularly and the pieces started to come together. Kate finally decided to tell her kids that Pat had found her. That was New Years Eve, 2017.
Pat and her daughter Lisa traveled out to California to meet Kate and her family and complete one half of her life circle. “The whole world knew I was adopted,” Pat said. “I felt there was no down side to finding my birth mother. I had good parents, and a good life. I just wanted to tell Kate thank you for doing the bravest thing I can imagine. I am so grateful to her for making the hardest decision of her life.” She had the opportunity to meet her six half-siblings. Kate was having some health problems and according to Kate’s husband Dave, meeting Pat and getting a chance to connect with her daughter after all these years, did something to uplift her. Kate had been on a downward spiral and Pat was a reason for her to get better. Since that time, her health has improved. Dave insisted that Pat was a blessing to Kate, and that Kate should try to find Ralph, Pat’s birth father and share the information about Pat with him. Kate and Dave knew from FaceBook that Ralph had recently lost a daughter and Dave thought that Ralph could also use a lift. All the leads that Kate had for Ralph proved to be dead ends, so the search came to a temporary halt.
My dad is Ralph. One of my sisters has been looking to find information on my Grandpa Frank’s (my dad’s dad) side of the family. The search has been full of dead ends. About a year ago, my dad joined Ancestry.com and more recently did the DNA test, hoping to be able to find out more. He was getting the ‘possible’ connections, but no real facts about Frank.
After some time had passed, Pat went back on to Ancestry.com to look for some information for a friend. Waiting for her was a leaf. Clicking on the leaf, she got a message for a second time- with “extremely high confidence, Ralph is your father.” “Most people when searching on ancestry don’t use their real names,” Pat explained. “I was very lucky. I used my name and so did Kate and Ralph. It was easy to find them.”
On a Saturday morning in July, I got a phone all from my dad. I could hear in his voice that something was up. He started by telling about a summer 64 years ago and Kate. I already knew about his relationship with Kate, so I wasn’t taken by surprise. I was very surprised to learn that they had a child and I had another sister. He had waited to tell any of us until he could be sure about Pat. He had wanted to talk to Kate first. It took a couple of days to connect with her, but she confirmed that Pat was their daughter. He was so excited. He has been in a downward spiral since the death of my sister Jane a year ago. Now he had something new and exciting to live for, but he was concerned about what we would think. He told me that he had talked to Kate about a year after she had the baby and she told him of the birth. He also said that my mom had known about the baby. There was no way to find the baby, because dad didn’t know the sex, birthdate, or birthplace of the baby. They had tried to look, but had nothing to go on. What could I think? I was thrilled at the excitement I was hearing in his voice.
We met Pat in Oklahoma City in September. My dad picked her up and spent the afternoon getting to know a little about his daughter. This trip was for Pat and dad. Sixty-three years is a lot of time to catch up on. We met for dinner that evening. The anticipation was really high. I think my siblings and I were all relieved that she was such a great person and that we all got along great.
I finally had the chance to sit and talk to Pat a couple of days later. We talked about her family, Kate, our dad, her feelings-so many things to talk about. “There truly is no down side for me,” she repeated again. “I had a great childhood, great parents. If not for my kids, I may not have started to search. Once I did, my biggest fear was what if my birth parents were deceased. I’d never have the chance to close the loop of my life. This whole venture has been so wonderful, but so over-whelming. I had three siblings when I started my search. Now in a years time I have thirteen living siblings.”
Pat returned to North Carolina to clean up the mess the hurricanes had left and we all went back to our lives. My question is – what is next? I have this wonderful new sister and she went back home and so did I, but I am confident there will be more. I am looking forward to getting to know this surprise person in my life. I hope we can have a good relationship, one that will endure and not be a once a year or less thing. Time will tell.
As for my dad-he is going to spend Christmas with Pat and her family in North Carolina. He gets to meet two more grandchildren and two more great-grandchildren. He is nervous, as he has never been through a Christmas without us and doesn’t travel alone very often. I am certain he will have a wonderful time once he gets to North Carolina. My guess is that Pat’s family is as loving and open as she is. This has been a present wrapped in happiness for him, an early Christmas present. How many people get a daughter, or a new sister, for Christmas?
