By Kristine Kern
Review Staff Writer
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., each year 44,193 Americans die by suicide, on average, there are 121 suicides per day in the U.S. alone. For every suicide death there are 25 attempts. It is thought that these numbers are higher but because of the stigma surrounding suicide it is under reported.
These numbers are heartbreaking, but behind each number is a very real person with an individual story. Lynn (Lorang) Dearey (daughter of Ruth and the late Marv Lorang of Lismore) has one of these stories and she has made it her mission to share her story and spread the word about suicide awareness and prevention. She currently lives in Durango, CO with her husband, two children, and their family dog. Durango (pop. 18,503 in 2016) is the largest city in LaPlata County (est. pop. 51,334). The area just experienced their staggering 19th suicide for the year. Suicide is a nationwide epidemic that is unfortunately running rampant. It is Durango’s shocking suicide statistics that have motivated Lynn to come forward to tell her story.
Lynn endured bouts of depression in her early 20’s and anxiety in college but the bout in 2008 she says “came in like a bulldozer.” In August of 2008, Lynn attempted suicide. When talking about reaching this point she states, “If there is one thing I know in my heart of hearts about suicidal thoughts, tendencies, attempts, and even completed suicides, and it is this… “A struggling person does NOT want their LIFE to end…they want their PAIN to end. Thankfully, not everyone knows the excruciating existence of living with emotional and mental pain so deep and so raw, that death seems like a better option.” Lynn had not eaten or slept in nearly three weeks up to this point and had reached an abyss of such darkness that in her mind her husband and two young children (ages 4 and 2 at the time) were better off without her. She waited for her husband and children to leave that day, “I knew I was going to do it when they left.”
When she was found by her husband Lynn was at deaths door. She says, “Ultimately I am a miracle, God spared and saved my life.” Lynn recalls… The doctor treating me in the emergency room came out to the waiting area and told my husband, Shawn, that “IF” I survived, I was likely going to be in a vegetative state, because they didn’t know what drugs I had taken or how much blood I had lost. Upon hearing this obviously numbing report, Shawn had to make an instantaneous decision to FULLY rely on his faith in the GOD he serves. That crucial decision proved to be the turning point for Lynn’s survival. In that moment, Shawn and a small group of close friends from their church, that had gathered at the hospital, immediately fell to their knees and began praying and crying out to GOD on Lynn’s behalf. After about 30 minutes, the same ER doctor came back out to Shawn, slack-jawed in total astonishment. He told Shawn that not only was I going to survive, but there would be no permanent damage. She passionately states, “My husband chose to rally our friends to pray for my life. His faith in our God who heals, spares, and saves…SAVED MY LIFE!”
After Lynn’s life was spared, she spent four years trying to dig herself out of what she remembers as “pure hell.” She time spent in a mental hospital right after her attempt and was prescribed all kinds and doses of different medication for a number of years. That time was also spent seeing psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, and pastors. She remembers her husband encouraging her to volunteer, “to get your mind off of yourself and onto someone or something else”, but comments about all the therapy and her husband’s encouragement not working…“I had to do this in my own time.”
Lynn remembers her turning point; she says, “I know it was the Lord speaking to me.” She had fallen into another bout of depression about three years after her suicide attempt, when she woke up one morning and thought “I am going to volunteer at the Manna” (a local food kitchen in Durango.) My husband had been encouraging me to do this for years, but GOD must have known that I was ready. I went there and baked over 200 sugar cookies that day. I left there and thought, “That was enjoyable.” She stated that it was a very odd feeling, because she hadn’t felt any real joy for anything for a very long time. Lynn continued to volunteer at Manna and one day noticed an “older-looking” gentleman with a walker in the parking lot. She remembers, “He had the most beautiful eyes and I commented about that to him that day.” Lynn kept running into him at Manna and around Durango and learned his name was James. She says “I was just starting to come alive and he seemed to be struggling, so I reached out and invited him to come to church with us and I offered to come and pick him up.” James agreed and when Lynn arrived at his home she found him living in a very run down camper in the backyard of someone’s house, in total filth and squalor, with no running water. James had been drinking heavily when she got there. It was in that moment that she realized that he was a full-blown alcoholic and found out from him that he had been abusing alcohol since his teen years. James wouldn’t go to the service with her, but Lynn wasn’t going to give up on him. “I latched onto him and his dismal condition like a Pitbull on a bone.” She continued to pay him visits, to talk, bring him a Coca-cola (his favorite) and pray with him. She contacted Adult Protective Services to try to get him some help, but there was nothing that they could do until James made the decision to get help. When James ended up in the hospital for pancreatitis from alcoholism, Lynn felt the LORD urging her to help him by cleaning his “home” of its wretched filthy state. She couldn’t get any volunteers to help her clean, but she set out on what she called her “James Love Project”. She went around Durango and secured getting donations of cleaning supplies, trash bins, a protective body suit, goggles, and long rubber gloves that stretched to her armpits. She headed over to clean out James’ camper, with the goal of getting it ready for him by the time he was released from the hospital. Shockingly to Lynn, James had been let out of the hospital early and was there when she arrived, but he agreed to let her clean. She reports going in with a large shovel…to literally and aggressively scoop her way through it. Lynn laughs “I didn’t want to clean that thing AT ALL, but I was being obedient to what GOD strongly laid on my heart to do. At some point, as the sweat ran into my stinging eyes and the vile stench filled my nostrils, I got into a somewhat fiery argument with GOD. I remember having an all out “pity party” with HIM. As I was arguing with HIM, I was literally scraping a thick layer of disgusting filth off of the linoleum. I began asking GOD why was I here alone and why didn’t anyone step up to help me? It was a big, ol’ “Why ME Fest for sure”! I clearly heard Him ask me… “Would you have done this three months ago?” “Absolutely NOT! I was still basically a corpse back then.” I replied. And in that moment…I suddenly realized a very profound lesson. I thought I was brought into James’ life to save him, but God in HIS amazing wisdom, had also brought James into my life to help save me. HE brought us together to help each other. Only GOD could take a man whom society would call filth, to help a woman who had basically had “filth” in her mental condition. My goggles steamed up from the tears that were flowing from my eyes.”
Sadly, shortly afterwards…James passed away unexpectedly and Lynn was invited to speak at his memorial service. However, she knows without a doubt that he was sent into her life “by divine appointment” by God, to help pull her out of her depression and she to help James re-explore his relationship with Jesus.
Lynn has felt compelled to share her story and did a story with The Durango Herald, her hometown newspaper. Since that article she has been approached by people who have been touched by her story. Some coming up to her with a collapsing hug, simply to share through tears, their stories of struggle and survival. She has shared her story with a mother’s group she belonged to, as well as, with the women from her church, back in 2012. She also volunteers as a Gatekeeper for Southern Ute Community Action Programs (Gatekeepers speak with people at risk of suicide helping guide them to sources of help). She has also recently began partnering with Durango’s mental health professionals by becoming a passionate advocate for suicide awareness and prevention. She encourages people to see those suffering with mental illness, by simply letting them know they are noticed and important. Lynn believes that “a simple smile or hello…literally has the POWER to SAVE a LIFE!” “For someone who is struggling, just knowing that someone notices and cares…can make all the difference in their world.” She comments, “We must become a community and society that cares so much that we are okay with being inconvenienced. Inconveniencing yourself to help someone else…THAT is love at its core.”
Today, Lynn is grateful to be able to live in breathtaking Durango, CO with her husband, Shawn, children, Caleb (14), Asha (12), and their sweet dog, Bella. She is especially thankful for all who supported her throughout her struggle. “My parents, Ruth and the late Marvin Lorang and the whole Lorang family, my in-laws (the whole Dearey family), a dedicated church family, and an endless stream of loyal friends who have supported me 100%…even in the confusion of it all, despite feeling powerless in knowing how to help.” Of her passion to share her experience and reach out to help others she says, “the details revolving around my attempted suicide and what led up to it are not at all important, it is what I am choosing to do with my attempt is what counts most at this point. I know my dad would be so proud of me as is my amazing and supportive mom! I am the voice of HOPE…in my little corner of this big world. If my story can help even one person then my efforts are well worth it.”
**If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts or suffers from depression there are resources available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 1-800-273-8255 or contact the crisis textline by texting TALK to 741741. The ImAlive National Suicide hotline and chat number is 1-800-784-2433 or here in Southwest Minnesota we have the Southwestern Mental Health Center that serves Nobles, Cottonwood, Pipestone and Rock Counties 1-800-642-1525. For more information on the Gatekeeper Program and how to become a Gatekeeper go to http://www.qprinstitute.com. There is help and as Lynn stresses . . . You are not alone! #iseeyou
**James name has been changed for privacy.
